Ear Protection Anybody?

Today Larry came home from work and said, "I just stopped by to use the bathroom and then I'm going to the Allendale Auto Auction."

I thought that was just fine.

But then he stood there, looking at me, with this anticipation on his face, this look of happiness, this confidence that *surely* I was just jumping to go along with him.

So I did! I went to my very first auto auction!

It was amazing. Picture a large metal building. Think how all that space, completely surrounded by metal, would echo.
Picture it full of men with coffee mugs and cigarettes.
Picture two long rows of cars parading into the building, idling “smellfully” with the rumbling, rattling engine noise reverberating off the metal walls.
Listen to it for just a minute.

Do you hear the voices over the car noise? The voices you hear are two auctioneers, one at each end of the building, one for each row of vehicles. They are each auctioning off a different vehicle, at the same time.

Now, I never have been able to understand an auctioneer’s “patter”. I sure couldn’t understand when their voices blended in with rumbling engines, all bouncing sound from one wall to the other.
The biggest auctioneer also had the loudest voice. He had a belly like a bellows, and he would pause frequently to suck in the air noisily, before letting his tongue go off on its own again.

I am certain he could not say hello, without taking a noisy breath and shouting,
“HEY, bottabottabotta Howya bottabottabotta doin’ bottabottabotta SOLD!”